we are who we are...

i just need to gush i guess... idk. so yesterday, could easily go in the record book as one of the worst days ever. work, then bored, then high school bullshit, and then self doubt, followed by shame. today, stressful as it was, could have gone in the book as one of the best. roses, acceptance, realization, and growth. but something stood out to me, in one of the many conversations of the night. people dont change, they just become more of who they are. i would totally agree with this but would add a disclaimer, in order for a person to know who they are to become more of, they need to get lost. not the kinda lost where someone is there to lead you around, hold your hand, make it better. but the kinda lost where all you have is yourself, and a mirror. and with that, i would say that yes, i am the same person, that i was 6 years ago. yes i have matured etc; but if you were to ask me the same personality defining questions then, as you did today, my answers would have been identical. so where does that leave us? the past is real? we cant run from it? or is it that we learn from the past... something i have always drawn from the lion king without much thought. the past can hurt, but we can learn from it or run from it. is this applicable if we are the same person we were. if we really didnt learn. but we do learn... so something has change. and if its not our personalities? what is it?

to me: i think it was the realization of loss. i was gonna have to learn something from the past so i wouldnt lose the people i care most for.

just food for thought i guess.

manderz

“There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time.”