blah blah blah

blahhhhh. i guess is the best way to describe today. not eh, cuz it wasnt whatever. not ahhhh cuz it wasnt bad. not eeeeek cuz it wasnt great. just blahhhh. it was almost an emotionless day. or i guess the only emotion i did feel was irritation. and extreme irritation at that. irritation to the drivers who were driving ten under in the fast lane. irritation to the situation im in. just irritation. and in this irritated mood i realised that i have been living at home for two weeks, and my mom still sees me as a child. someone who cant make decisions for themselves and that the decisions i make are somehow skewed and i will wind up in a shitty place. i may be uneducated but im not a fucking idiot. erg. just reliving this day wants to make me scream with frustration. I guess the good thing was that i totally rocked my interview, however its not a full time position, so i will need to look for more work. i guess i have reached the feeling part of all of what just happened. i have been so numb for so long about this that i havent even been driving anymore. i was simply along for the ride. maybe after i can feel a little grief, and talk everything im feeling out, that then i will be able to take full control of the situation and regain the control of the steering wheel of my life. so much i need to do and say to get passed all this. so much i need to apologize for and make clear. and so much needs to be expressed about what ive learned. i just need time. more than ten minutes. its a process...

-manderz-

"lifes a climb, but the view is great" Miley cryus