there is no plan

i dont know what is more upsetting about the whole situation, the fact that i couldnt do it, the fact that i let everyone down, the fact that i gave everything up, or the fact that there is no plan. there has always been a plan. this was the plan. but now there is no plan. there is just react. move forward. autopilot. no drive. and maybe thats good. but i cant get passed the fact that the plan is now shot to hell. i mean i can get passed the fact that i let everyone down, its what i do. i let people down. let them expect more from me than im worth and then i let them down. and the fact that i couldnt do it, well thats just pride. i mean i know im good enough for the people around me, but i was proving it to me. and whats that worth anyway. but what i gave up, and not having a plan really. i mean really, just tear me up.

-manderz-

"Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts." Arnold Bennet