mine

i have completely fallen in love with the song mine by taylor swift. why? because it reminds me of the moment everything changed. not this time, but the time when i knew everything wasnt fake and that i really did have a future with you. the chorus goes something like: Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water?You put your arm around me for the fist time;You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter,You are the best thing that's ever been mine. when i hear that i think of the first time we sat up in the rocks and you told me that no matter what happened i could always could on you. to this day that moment still sticks with me, and i turn to that memory to get me through all my rough days. so babe, i know you dont read this, but if you were to ever come across this, all im saying is you are the best thing that has ever been mine. and i am so proud to be able to call such a beautiful person, inside and out.

writing again

so i dont know what has gotten into me. i havent posted in like months and honestly, i dont have much to say. i just want to start writing again. and well its gonna be about nothing more than it was before but fortunately for the idiots who read this, it will be happier. because a lot has changed.

i think i left of in like may- or june ish. things were hard. i was getting used to the idea of not going back to school, and moving out, and coming to terms with my less than subconscience reason for not going back to school.

well fast forward. its septemeber... and in order to get to the good parts i need to fill in the holes. fights. love. fights. loss. growth. acceptance. love. and gain. that about covers it. like i said not very exciting.

but the best part of it all, is that my less than subconscience decision was not a bad one. i havent lost anything in that department, and gained everything i have hoped to. for those you need to be reminded, i left and gave up everything when i went to school. one thing, brought me home. once a week, and every weekend. and it wasnt the homecooked meals. it was my heart. for the first time, i was listening to it, and the more i listened i didnt want to be where i was. i needed one thing to have the correct adult chance, and that wasnt going to happen, if i was away. i knew it was on me.

this summer things between us got better and grew. recently we discovered we are still head over heels in love. and this time in not gonna get restless. im not gonna get scared. and im not gonna hold on with everything i have because i know somewhere that this is really supposed to work.

we were babies when we met, i was bearly fifteen, and he was almost sixteen. it has been five years and we have been through more than, i would like to say most married couples. but i know thats probably a lie. and no matter what happened during the day, when i go to sleep he has my back.

but enough distractions, i knew my decision was not an idiot one before my birthday, but it was solidfied when after a 9 hour shift he wanted to see me. it was my birthday, i was bummed that i had to work all day, but pleasantly surprised. all i wanted was to go to bed. get the stupid day of fake congratulations and such over with. he wouldnt let me. he said i needed to stay up for a few moments longer. fine, i guess it couldnt get any worse. especially with you. he picked me up and in the car was a single long stem rose. and if you know him, u know this is rare. immediately i was curious. he ended up making me cobbler (cuz i was getting a birthday cake anyway) and cuddled on the couch. two of my favorite things. best birthday ever. seriously.

needless to say things are working out, and if i wasnt sure of everything. i was sure when he agreed to go to birthday dinner, and in the end. didnt hate it. we actually had fun. and for the first time for reals i saw him as part of the family. not just a dream.

~forever and ever babe~ (i promise)